CPR

Ah! The pleasures of cardiopulmonary resuscitation. One comment can probably sum up the outcome of my CPR class this week...

Lord help the innocent bystander that is held subject to my heroic CPR efforts.

I'm certified though! :)

This is Henry...he's my CPR buddy (fyi, he resents the idea that most call him a dummy). Let me tell you a little bit about Henry. He's a 32 year old male (obviously, I don't know many females named Henry), Caucasian (well, a pasty tan color), he enjoys long walks on the beach, romantic comedies, the occasional beating of the chest and a light shock if the occasion calls for it. That's right ladies, he's a keeper!

About the class... The actual certification is part of the my class requirements, so it was nice that they took a night to teach the CPR rather than making us attend another class elsewhere. I have come to the conclusion that they do it for kicks. I would...you should have seen some of the people in there.

We started off as usual, video and simple instructions. Did you know that over 900 adults in the US are killed everyday due to sudden cardiac arrest? That's right, we as individuals could be the deciding factor between life and death. That's awesome! I'm doing CPR on everyone, just for the slight chance that I might actually end up saving someone. So, family and friends beware! If you decide to grab a peaceful afternoon nap and wake up to me and my resuscitator mask hovering over your airways, I would consider yourself warned and move as quickly as possible towards the nearest exit. :)

The class covered adult, child and infant CPR. In addition to those stimulating lessons, we also covered first-aid for choking. You guessed it, the infamous Heimlich. This not being my first lesson, I'm sorry to report that I am lacking a funny story for that one. However, I do have an interesting interjection from the past that I will share.

So there we are, myself and several fellow waitstaff members socializing during some down time. This was when I worked at a local bar/restaurant on the weekends, so we always had a good time joshin' it during the slow lunches. Anywho, a friend of mine was the only one of us that had a table at the time. He had a two-top: man and women (both of which were pushin' eighty) and the man had moseyed in pulling his oxygen tank directly behind him. They were quite the cute couple. Chad had delivered their drinks, and their food came shortly after. As we continued our mindless discussion about whatever interesting event took place the night before, Chad noticed the man at the table slightly coughing and looking a bit scared like he may be choking. To add to the scene, the wife was rapidly tapping him on the back (I'm assuming to add some sort of relief to the situation...still not real sure). Chad's face turns white and looks at me with a "what do I do" look on his face. I of course said, "Don't just stand there, go see if he needs help!" At the time I could see that the man was not fully choking, but he was indeed having some difficultly chewing the abnormally large bites he was taking. Chad, on the other hand, obviously couldn't see the situation during his mission to heroic status. He immediately grabbed the man's shoulders and said in a loud, very stern voice of panic, "Are you ok, sir? Are you choking?"

Side note: One key step we learn in these classes is to wait a few seconds to give the victim a chance to reply.

I think he must have gotten caught up in the excitement of it all, b/c he grabbed the old man from behind, strategically placed his foot on the bar stool across from him (for extra leverage), and began what looked from afar like two foreign creatures preforming some sort of exotic mating ritual...one creature considerably older than the other mind you.

That image will forever be burned into my memory bank. This odd experience continued for, I would say, seven good thrusts before the man could squeeze out a, "Stop! Stop! I'm ok!" About that time, Chad sets the fragile old fella down on his chair, wipes the beads of sweat from his brow and hands the man his oxygen mask. We, as onlookers, casually brought our mouths back from the "holy crap" position they were in and started looking for something productive to do before the couple noticed the audience. Before leaving, I did hear Chad say, "Is there anything else I can get for you?" I can only imagine the look of fear on his face after that experience.

Like most events in our lives, there was a valuable lesson learned here: Always be sure the person you're saving needs help! If they don't, just move really quickly before they can say anything.