Victoria's Secret

As an addendum to my Christmas post, I thought I would add in a special moment I observed while watching one of those unfortunate male scavengers sent on the annual Christmas gift hunt.

I was casually looking through the Victoria's Secret selections at one of our local malls, as normal women who love lingerie do throughout the year, and in my peripheral vision I noticed a man across the room from me searching through the perfume section. This guy was mid-thirties, an obvious home-grown country boy, dressed in camouflage shorts, a long sleeved shirt and a Georgia hat (normal attire for the locals that rarely make it out to the malls). I found no surprise in this shopper, I normally run into several of these guys in Victoria's Secret this time of year and right around Valentine's Day.

I immediately thought to myself, "This will be good." I of course did what anyone looking for a good laugh would do, I moseyed my way a little closer.

As I'm approaching this fella I couldn't help but evaluate the situation, you know, paint a mental picture of what had, is and will happen with this guy. Here he is, hat almost hanging off the back of his head (obviously a product of scratching his head in confusion for the last thirty or so minutes), eyes pointed up in an effort to survey the floor to ceiling perfume displays, and two brightly colored bras in his left hand. He had assumed the position of a bouncer, feet shoulder width apart, chest swollen, and arms securely folded across his chest; no doubt determined to find a particular product.

As I settle into a good observation area a few feet away (I had no intention of offering assistance until he'd spent another fifteen minutes there in confusion), I could practically see the hamster in his head sweating from the intense workout he was getting just trying to keep up with the decision making process.

I have three questions going through my head at this point:

1. Who helped him pick out those bras?... and I sure hope he got some sort of size before he came in here.
2. When was the last time he actually picked out a perfume for this gift recipient?
3. I wonder if he knows he's looking at the men's cologne?

His eyes skimmed across the first row slowly, his mouth dropping a little bit wider with every bottle that passed. Then he made a move. He grabbed the Very Sexy (for men) and puts the top to his nose for a smell. The look on his face quickly expressed his distaste in the product. I hear him whisper to himself, "Smells like a dude."

Interrupting this moment of humor was a woman, obviously an employee, coming to offer the man some assistance. Dang it! Right when it was getting good.

Woman Employee: "Can I help you, sir?"

John Doe: "Yeah. I'm lookin' for this perfume that my wife wears. Smells good. This don't smell real good." He hands the bottle to the woman for her to return it to the shelf.

Woman: "Well sir, this is our Very Sexy fragrance for men."

John Doe: "Well now, that would explain it. Got anything for women?"

Woman: Motioning her hand to cover the majority of the room she replies, "We sure do. Do you have anything in particular you are looking for?"

John Doe: "Hell, I don't know. Somethin' nice (pronounced niiiiiice)."

His eyes continued to inventory the products as he reached for the Heavenly Body Mist.

John Doe: "Mmmmm, that's nice. Looks kinda like that bottle in our bathroom too."

Woman: "This is a very popular fragrance. Would you like the perfume in addition to the mist?"

John Doe: "Mist? Perfume?" ......

Oh yeah, his hamster was officially off the wheel at this point. That just completely threw him off track. The best part was the woman's reaction to the stunned look on his face. She merely picked up the mist and said, "It's ok, we'll just stick with the mist."

Gotta love it!